Monthly Archive:March 2016

ByDavid Ross

Why Trump Could Win

Politics in the United States, is very negative and divisive. In addition to that, many politicians are only interested in helping the wealthy and influential – which often contributes to a dysfunctional political process. Although the political process can be dysfunctional, we can learn from it because some politicians, and non-politicians, communicate their messages very effectively and are popular as a result.

Donald Trump is a prime example of a non-politician who communicates very effectively with his supporters – Republican primary voters. He communicates with them so well many of them are not concerned with the fact that a) he was a Democrat, b) he supported some Democratic Party causes or c) he spoke out against some Republican Party causes. His supporters probably view his past support for Democrats as an irrelevant, pesky little detail because Trump is a remarkably good communicator. He gives the impression that when he’s with you, he is with you. He unapologetically communicates the concerns of many voters.  As a result, he is viewed as the real deal.

Former First Lady, New York Senator, and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is sometimes not perceived as the real deal. Some people question whether or not she is authentic or genuine because she is not as “interesting” as Donald Trump, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders, or others in the political arena. Many of the people who question her authenticity are indirectly saying that they don’t want her to be herself. I say this because, if you think about it, Hillary Clinton is a cautious person. She doesn’t say or do controversial things. She seems like a smart, pragmatic person who likes to listen and analyze more than she likes to talk. Therefore, she is authentic when she plays it safe or carefully answers a question. Unfortunately, playing it safe and avoiding controversy sometimes makes you seem uninteresting. Donald Trump is well aware of that fact.

Donald Trump thrives on controversy. He has made statements that offend women, Hispanics, African Americans, and Muslims. In addition to that, Trump has offended the Republican establishment by figuratively extending a middle finger to their customs and traditions. For example, in a television interview, Trump stated that the September 11th terrorist attacks happened on former President George W. Bush’s watch. This statement was controversial among many Republican politicians because, for some odd reason, Republican politicians (including Bush’s brother Jeb) often said that George W. Bush “kept us safe.” Saying that Bush “kept us safe” implied that George W. Bush kept the country safe during his entire presidency. It seemed odd that Democrats never challenged that statement because U.S. presidents take office on January 20th. The September 11 terrorist attacks obviously happened on September 11th, well after Bush’s January 20th oath of office.

Trump’s disdain for political correctness makes him a genuine threat to the Republican establishment and anyone who does not want to see him in office. He is ruthlessly pragmatic and not afraid to take on anyone – even the Pope. Furthermore, his willingness to thumb his nose at political etiquette makes him appealing to Republicans, Democrats, and Independents. That kind of appeal makes him very electable.

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ByDavid Ross

The 90-Day Rule: Is it a good idea?

A good friend’s mom re-entered the dating scene after her husband passed away. She told me that she was reading a popular book about relationships. I decided to read the book to see what it was all about. I like the author of the book and thought the book was good overall. However, there are some parts of the book that I strongly disagree with. For example, the author suggested that a woman should wait 90 days before having sex. The reason he suggested 90 days is that he had to wait 90 days before getting benefits when he worked for the Ford Motor Company many years ago.

Waiting 90 days is a bad idea. It is silly and risky for several reasons. Before elaborating let me first say that if you want to wait until you are married to have sex that is perfectly reasonable. Research has shown that if you have a healthy balanced dating relationship, waiting until marriage to have sex makes you more likely to have a stable marriage. [23] Unfortunately, many dating relationships are not healthy or balanced.

Note to women: If you are dating a man who has invested a lot of money, time, and emotions in your relationship you really should be clear about why you don’t want to have sex. For example, if you are waiting 90 days and you don’t explain why you are waiting, it may be a problem. Your man might think that maybe you are having sex with someone else. He might feel that he is being used. Or he might feel that you are a gold digger – someone who uses men for their money. You don’t want a guy to think that you are a gold digger (assuming that you are not).

Another potential problem with waiting 90 days is that it highlights the moment when you eventually have sex. Outside of a honeymoon, it is not a good idea to highlight your first time having sex because the experience may not be all that great. Studies have shown that your first sexual experience with someone may not be a smooth one because sex usually improves as you get to know each other better. If a man feels that sex is supposed to be a reward for his 90 days of work he might be more critical of the experience.

So basically, when it comes to sex you have a few options:

Read more in Chapter 4 – Men’s Wants in the book Don’t Be Yourself: Be A Better Person

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ByDavid Ross

What is Sex Appeal?

Typically, a man wants his woman to be attractive in a sexual way. He wants to be able to imagine himself having sex with her and look forward to the sexual experience. Also, a woman wants to be able to look forward to intimacy with her man. She wants to feel that sex or intimacy with her man will be a pleasant, fulfilling experience. This is true even if they are not having sex at the moment. For example, some couples choose to wait until marriage before having sex. Even in those situations, it is important that the couple looks forward to sex and intimacy with each other because sex is an important part of marriage. Add to that the fact that most men and women want their partner to be faithful to them. It is easier for men and women to be faithful when they feel that their partner is is sexually appealing – which brings us to the question “What is sex appeal?”

A Psychology Today article [24] identified four elements of sex appeal: 1) dynamic attractiveness, 2) circumstances, 3) static attractiveness, and 4) self-representation. Before we continue, please understand that everyone has different tastes. One person may think that you have sex appeal while another person may feel different. The great thing about sex appeal is that it is very much in your control. Let’s take a closer look at the four elements of sex appeal.

The Four Elements of Sex Appeal

  • Dynamic attractiveness: Some people are not born with great natural looks. They may not have a baby face or an exotic look, but they have dynamic attractiveness. This is because they express themselves in a very intriguing, fascinating, or captivating way. For example, musicians, entertainers, dancers, and actors/actresses sometimes have captivating body language that their fans find appealing. Charisma can also make someone dynamically attractive. Some comedians, motivational speakers, and leaders have a charismatic personality that is very attractive. Body language, confidence, and passion are key ingredients of dynamic attractiveness. If you have fun, easy-going, positive vibe, many people will find you attractive.
  • Circumstances: Your situation matters. If you and your partner (or date) are both in a great mood, then you both become more appealing to each other. If both of you enjoy doing things together, you both become more attractive to each other. Research has shown that if you do something fun or exciting with someone, you may attribute some of those fun feelings to the person you are with and become more attracted to them.
  • Static attractiveness: Static attractiveness refers to features that you are born with and also includes features that don’t change easily. For example, the shape of your face, your eyes, your nose, and your lips don’t change unless you have plastic surgery. Your body shape does not change easily, but you can control your body shape by dieting and exercising. Men often pay more attention to physical features than women do. For example, some men prefer a woman who is in good physical shape. Sometimes it’s because they fantasize about being able to pick up her up and spin her around.
  • Self-representation: Self-representation refers to how you present yourself – your general appearance. You can make yourself more physically attractive by grooming yourself regularly, using appropriate amounts of makeup, maintaining a current hairstyle, and having a good sense of style. The clothes that you wear should be current, trendy and appropriate for your body type. Avoid wearing anything too big or too small. Another key part of your self-representation is how you smell. Pleasant smells have pleasant effects – especially during intimacy. Make sure your private areas and erogenous zones have a pleasant or neutral smell.

Notice that most of the elements of sex appeal are well within your control. You determine your level of sex appeal.  Whether you are a man or a woman, if you are a genuinely fun person, and you take care of yourself then you probably have sex appeal. You will benefit from having sex appeal even if you are not having sex. You will also benefit from having sex appeal even if you are not dating or are not in a relationship. Your sex appeal contributes to your attractiveness. People are generally nicer to people who they find attractive.

Men tend to spend more time/money on women who they feel have sex appeal. Men also spend more time/money on things that they feel have sex appeal. For example, if a man likes his car there is a good chance that he will spend more time/money than necessary on that car. He will spend money to keep it clean and in good condition. He will take it to the shop more often to make sure all is well. He may even add unnecessary things like fancy rims, an enhanced sound system, tinted windows, or any number of features that you can imagine from the movie The Fast and The Furious. The bond between a man and what he likes can be very strong.

For more information about sex appeal read Chapter 5 – Sex Appeal

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ByDavid Ross

Ten topics that are not sufficiently discussed in adult relationships

Things that are unsaid are sometimes more interesting than things that are said. I surveyed and interviewed 120 women and 102 men to find out what they felt are important things that should be discussed in relationships. The results led to my list of the ten things that are not sufficiently discussed in adult relationships:

  1. Childhood
  2. Money
  3. Communication
  4. Trauma
  5. Sex
  6. Love
  7. Family
  8. Political or world views
  9. Health
  10. Fears

For specific details about each of the items in the list read Chapter 2 – Things Unsaid in Don’t Be Yourself: Be A Better Person

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ByDavid Ross

Good Connections

Friendships, dating relationships, and marriages work really well when the people involved have a good connection. There are many different ways to connect. You can connect on a physical level, an emotional level, an intellectual level, or a spiritual level. Your level of connection depends on what you feel is important to you. Here are some examples of ways to connect on the various levels mentioned:

  1. Physical connections: A good physical connection exists when you and your partner (or person of interest) like each other’s physical qualities and appearance. In this case, physical qualities refer to anything that appeals to the five senses – sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch. For example, if you and your partner like how each other looks, smells, and feels, then you have a good physical connection.
  2. Emotional connections: A good emotional connection exists when you and your partner understand each other and feel safe sharing your deepest feelings with each other. Here are some key ingredients of a good emotional connection:
    • You both feel comfortable being vulnerable or emotionally “exposed.”
    • You both understand each other’s peculiarities and personality quirks.
    • You have a similar sense of humor – you can laugh or appreciate each other’s jokes.
    • You both communicate respectfully with each other. You can disagree without being disagreeable.
    • You both respect and appreciate each other, and you don’t try to change each other.
  3. Intellectual connections: If you have similar ideas and similar world views than you have a good foundation for an intellectual connection. Also, if you appreciate each other’s hobbies or passions, you have a good foundation for an intellectual connection. An intellectual connection does not require both of you to have the same level of education. For example, if you are a lawyer or a doctor who likes to cook, you can appreciate someone (with no degree) who also likes to cook. If that person happens to be a good chef or a business owner, you can both enjoy and enhance each other’s culinary skills. When you combine your intellectual connection with an emotional connection, a great relationship can blossom.
  4. Spiritual connections: Spiritual connections happen when you and your partner respect and appreciate each other’s beliefs and share the same core values. For example, if you and your partner have the same religious beliefs you are likely to connect on a spiritual level. Also, if you both attend the same church (or similar churches), you can connect on a spiritual level because you can share stories about your church experiences.

Read Chapter 2 – Things Unsaid to learn how to form a good emotional or intellectual connection. Chapter 5 – Sex Appeal – will address some of the requirements for a good physical connection. Chapter 10 – Spirituality and Self – will address some of the requirements for a good spiritual connection.

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ByDavid Ross

The Top 10 Qualities That Women Want in a Man

I have surveyed and interviewed hundreds of women about what they want. I have also looked at other survey results and articles about what women want. There are many lists of men’s and women’s wants on the Internet. If a list does not include any mention of attraction, looks, or appearance, it is probably not a very accurate list. This list is based on survey results that have been corroborated by other survey results. [21] Without further ado, I present to you the list of women’s needs and wants:

The Top 10 Qualities That Women Want in a Man

  1. Safety: Since ancient times men were expected to keep their women safe. This need is biological and evolutionary. Every woman needs to feel safe – safe with her man and safe from others.
  2. Security: Women need to feel secure. Commitment, dependability, the ability to provide, and a willingness to listen are some key traits that help a woman will feel secure. Good eye contact also helps women feel secure. If you have difficulty maintaining eye contact, it might suggest that you are either unfocused or hiding something.
  3. Attraction: Women need to feel attracted to their men. Attraction is not only about looks. A man does not have to be a pretty boy with nice hair or have a cute baby face. Men can also be considered attractive when they are stylish and well-groomed. Also, men who have many or all of the qualities on this list are very attractive to women.
  4. Love and respect: Love and respect are very important in relationships. A woman feels loved when she is made the number one priority in her man’s life. She feels respected when he listens and appreciates her concerns.
  5. Good morals/character: Women like men with a good moral For some women, a good moral compass means a relationship with God. For other women, it means spiritual convictions. The key point is for men to have a good sense of right and wrong.
  6. Good communication: Good communication skills are very important. A woman appreciates when a man can listen to her concerns and can also share his concerns. Men who communicate well help women feel secure.
  7. Confidence: Confidence is very sexy to women. Confident men are not needy or thirsty. They tend to be relaxed and in control. Think of legendary movie characters like James Bond or the Godfather – they are always in control.
  8. Sense of humor/fun: Everyone likes to laugh and have fun – including women. If a man can keep his woman smiling or laughing, he will have a special place in her heart.
  9. Intelligence: Some intelligence is important because intelligent men are more likely to make intelligent decisions or display good judgment. Women like men who have good judgment – it gives the impression that they can provide.
  10. Ambition/passion: Women want a man with a plan. Men who are passionate and have goals are very attractive. There is a saying by Benjamin Franklin, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.”

For more information about what women want be sure to read Chapter 3 – Women’s Wants in the book
Don’t Be Yourself: Be A Better Person

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ByDavid Ross

The Top 10 Qualities Men Want in a Woman

After surveying and interviewing hundreds of men and reviewing other survey results, here are the top 10 qualities that men need or want in a woman.

  1. Understanding: Remember that, “To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little…” A Woman should understand what is important to her man. If you are wondering what is important to men the answer is simple – this list.
  2. Sex appeal: Men want women who they find appealing sexually. A man wants to be able to visualize himself having sex with his woman. For this to happen, he needs to be deeply attracted to her. He needs to feel a physical connection. See Chapter 5 – Sex Appeal – for more details.
  3. Playfulness/fun: Many men are playful and competitive. If a man plays a sport, he usually will find it refreshing if his woman either plays the sport or appreciates his interest in that sport. She can be on his team or be his cheerleader. The same applies to non-athletic games or activities such as card games, board games, group games, etc.
  4. Good morals/character: Women with good morals and character are less likely to be involved in drama. Mature men don’t like drama. Also, men think about whether or not a woman would be a good mother for their children. Good morals and good character suggest that a woman will be a good potential mother.
  5. Emotional maturity: There will be disagreements. Men want women who can disagree without being disagreeable. Emotionally unstable women often blame or criticize their man (or others) for what they are feeling. Men respect women who can share their feelings in an honest, mature manner.
  6. Supportive / encouraging: Many men have passions and ambitions. Those men want women who are supportive and encouraging. The law of attraction says that positive thoughts lead to positive experiences. A woman who shares her man’s positive thoughts will enjoy positive experiences with him.
  7. Good communication: Men sometimes don’t process hints very well. This is because men usually communicate directly with each other and with their friends. For example, if a man wants to go rock climbing he might say “Let’s go rock climbing. It will be fun.” Or he might say “Do you want to go rock climbing?” If a woman wants to go rock climbing, she might say “I saw a good deal on a rock climbing trip.” Or she might say “Some of my friends are going rock climbing.” Typically the man would respond by saying something like “That’s nice.” Men appreciate women who can say what they want. This also applies to times when a woman has a concern. Men like women who can respectfully share their concerns. Having said that, many men realize that sometimes hinting is inevitable because that’s the way it is.
  8. Enjoys sex/intimacy: Sex and intimacy can be very therapeutic when both people engaging in the act appreciate the experience. Intimacy does not only mean sexual intercourse. Intimacy can include hugging, kissing, cuddling, massaging, etc. Sex, on the other hand, means sexual intercourse and other variations of sexual intercourse. Whether you are intimate or having sex, it should be a fun experience for both parties involved.
  9. Not need/clingy: Men don’t like clingers – women who cling to them as if they have nothing going on in their lives. Confident men appreciate women who have interests, responsibilities, and friends. Time spent apart can be healthy. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
  10. Intelligence: Women sometimes feel that men want women who make them feel smart. It is more accurate that men want women who don’t make them feel dumb. A mature man can date an intelligent woman. He wants a woman with a good head on her shoulders.

For more information about what men want be sure to read Chapter 4 – Men’s Wants in the book Don’t Be Yourself: Be A Better Person

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