Politics in the United States, is very negative and divisive. In addition to that, many politicians are only interested in helping the wealthy and influential – which often contributes to a dysfunctional political process. Although the political process can be dysfunctional, we can learn from it because some politicians, and non-politicians, communicate their messages very effectively and are popular as a result.
Donald Trump is a prime example of a non-politician who communicates very effectively with his supporters – Republican primary voters. He communicates with them so well many of them are not concerned with the fact that a) he was a Democrat, b) he supported some Democratic Party causes or c) he spoke out against some Republican Party causes. His supporters probably view his past support for Democrats as an irrelevant, pesky little detail because Trump is a remarkably good communicator. He gives the impression that when he’s with you, he is with you. He unapologetically communicates the concerns of many voters. As a result, he is viewed as the real deal.
Former First Lady, New York Senator, and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is sometimes not perceived as the real deal. Some people question whether or not she is authentic or genuine because she is not as “interesting” as Donald Trump, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders, or others in the political arena. Many of the people who question her authenticity are indirectly saying that they don’t want her to be herself. I say this because, if you think about it, Hillary Clinton is a cautious person. She doesn’t say or do controversial things. She seems like a smart, pragmatic person who likes to listen and analyze more than she likes to talk. Therefore, she is authentic when she plays it safe or carefully answers a question. Unfortunately, playing it safe and avoiding controversy sometimes makes you seem uninteresting. Donald Trump is well aware of that fact.
Donald Trump thrives on controversy. He has made statements that offend women, Hispanics, African Americans, and Muslims. In addition to that, Trump has offended the Republican establishment by figuratively extending a middle finger to their customs and traditions. For example, in a television interview, Trump stated that the September 11th terrorist attacks happened on former President George W. Bush’s watch. This statement was controversial among many Republican politicians because, for some odd reason, Republican politicians (including Bush’s brother Jeb) often said that George W. Bush “kept us safe.” Saying that Bush “kept us safe” implied that George W. Bush kept the country safe during his entire presidency. It seemed odd that Democrats never challenged that statement because U.S. presidents take office on January 20th. The September 11 terrorist attacks obviously happened on September 11th, well after Bush’s January 20th oath of office.
Trump’s disdain for political correctness makes him a genuine threat to the Republican establishment and anyone who does not want to see him in office. He is ruthlessly pragmatic and not afraid to take on anyone – even the Pope. Furthermore, his willingness to thumb his nose at political etiquette makes him appealing to Republicans, Democrats, and Independents. That kind of appeal makes him very electable.
A good friend’s mom re-entered the dating scene after her husband passed away. She told me that she was reading a popular book about relationships. I decided to read the book to see what it was all about. I like the author of the book and thought the book was good overall. However, there are some parts of the book that I strongly disagree with. For example, the author suggested that a woman should wait 90 days before having sex. The reason he suggested 90 days is that he had to wait 90 days before getting benefits when he worked for the Ford Motor Company many years ago.
Waiting 90 days is a bad idea. It is silly and risky for several reasons. Before elaborating let me first say that if you want to wait until you are married to have sex that is perfectly reasonable. Research has shown that if you have a healthy balanced dating relationship, waiting until marriage to have sex makes you more likely to have a stable marriage.  Unfortunately, many dating relationships are not healthy or balanced.
Note to women: If you are dating a man who has invested a lot of money, time, and emotions in your relationship you really should be clear about why you don’t want to have sex. For example, if you are waiting 90 days and you don’t explain why you are waiting, it may be a problem. Your man might think that maybe you are having sex with someone else. He might feel that he is being used. Or he might feel that you are a gold digger – someone who uses men for their money. You don’t want a guy to think that you are a gold digger (assuming that you are not).
Another potential problem with waiting 90 days is that it highlights the moment when you eventually have sex. Outside of a honeymoon, it is not a good idea to highlight your first time having sex because the experience may not be all that great. Studies have shown that your first sexual experience with someone may not be a smooth one because sex usually improves as you get to know each other better. If a man feels that sex is supposed to be a reward for his 90 days of work he might be more critical of the experience.
So basically, when it comes to sex you have a few options:
Read more in Chapter 4 – Men’s Wants in the book Don’t Be Yourself: Be A Better Person
Typically, a man wants his woman to be attractive in a sexual way. He wants to be able to imagine himself having sex with her and look forward to the sexual experience. Also, a woman wants to be able to look forward to intimacy with her man. She wants to feel that sex or intimacy with her man will be a pleasant, fulfilling experience. This is true even if they are not having sex at the moment. For example, some couples choose to wait until marriage before having sex. Even in those situations, it is important that the couple looks forward to sex and intimacy with each other because sex is an important part of marriage. Add to that the fact that most men and women want their partner to be faithful to them. It is easier for men and women to be faithful when they feel that their partner is is sexually appealing – which brings us to the question “What is sex appeal?”
A Psychology Today article  identified four elements of sex appeal: 1) dynamic attractiveness, 2) circumstances, 3) static attractiveness, and 4) self-representation. Before we continue, please understand that everyone has different tastes. One person may think that you have sex appeal while another person may feel different. The great thing about sex appeal is that it is very much in your control. Let’s take a closer look at the four elements of sex appeal.
Notice that most of the elements of sex appeal are well within your control. You determine your level of sex appeal. Whether you are a man or a woman, if you are a genuinely fun person, and you take care of yourself then you probably have sex appeal. You will benefit from having sex appeal even if you are not having sex. You will also benefit from having sex appeal even if you are not dating or are not in a relationship. Your sex appeal contributes to your attractiveness. People are generally nicer to people who they find attractive.
Men tend to spend more time/money on women who they feel have sex appeal. Men also spend more time/money on things that they feel have sex appeal. For example, if a man likes his car there is a good chance that he will spend more time/money than necessary on that car. He will spend money to keep it clean and in good condition. He will take it to the shop more often to make sure all is well. He may even add unnecessary things like fancy rims, an enhanced sound system, tinted windows, or any number of features that you can imagine from the movie The Fast and The Furious. The bond between a man and what he likes can be very strong.
For more information about sex appeal read Chapter 5 – Sex Appeal
Things that are unsaid are sometimes more interesting than things that are said. I surveyed and interviewed 120 women and 102 men to find out what they felt are important things that should be discussed in relationships. The results led to my list of the ten things that are not sufficiently discussed in adult relationships:
For specific details about each of the items in the list read Chapter 2 – Things Unsaid in Don’t Be Yourself: Be A Better Person
Friendships, dating relationships, and marriages work really well when the people involved have a good connection. There are many different ways to connect. You can connect on a physical level, an emotional level, an intellectual level, or a spiritual level. Your level of connection depends on what you feel is important to you. Here are some examples of ways to connect on the various levels mentioned:
Read Chapter 2 – Things Unsaid to learn how to form a good emotional or intellectual connection. Chapter 5 – Sex Appeal – will address some of the requirements for a good physical connection. Chapter 10 – Spirituality and Self – will address some of the requirements for a good spiritual connection.
I have surveyed and interviewed hundreds of women about what they want. I have also looked at other survey results and articles about what women want. There are many lists of men’s and women’s wants on the Internet. If a list does not include any mention of attraction, looks, or appearance, it is probably not a very accurate list. This list is based on survey results that have been corroborated by other survey results.  Without further ado, I present to you the list of women’s needs and wants:
The Top 10 Qualities That Women Want in a Man
For more information about what women want be sure to read Chapter 3 – Women’s Wants in the book
Don’t Be Yourself: Be A Better Person
After surveying and interviewing hundreds of men and reviewing other survey results, here are the top 10 qualities that men need or want in a woman.
For more information about what men want be sure to read Chapter 4 – Men’s Wants in the book Don’t Be Yourself: Be A Better Person